Pieces of Paul

I must confess that I have never shared such deep feelings with anyone before. So if these words seem awkward at times it is because this is all so new to me. Have you ever lost someone you loved, so truly loved, and I mean lost, lost forever?

One day when visiting all of my Mom's family at my Grandma's house I began to realize I was forgetting what my Uncle Paul was like. He died the summer before and I was missing him so terribly. It was as if I was forgetting little pieces of him, the way he laughed, the way he talked and the sound of his voice when he called me "Little Bud." My curiosity led me to find out what others remembered about my Uncle Paul and that is where this story really begins.

First I went to my Aunt Greer and asked, "What was your favorite memory of Paul?" She replied, "My favorite memory of your Uncle Paul was how he always told your Mom and me stories about snake bushes, well they were really sage bushes but he called them snake bushes. I loved the way he smiled when he told those stories." As she told me that I saw a tear come out of her eye. I waited a moment and then replied, "Thank you for that piece of Paul."

I continued my search for pieces of Paul by going to my Uncle Vic and asking him, "What is your favorite memory of Paul?" He replied, "My favorite memory of your Uncle Paul was how much fun I always had with him shooting off fireworks on the Fourth of July." I noticed a lost look on his face, so I waited a moment and then replied, "Thank you for that piece of Paul."

Next I went to my Uncle Mark and asked, "What is your favorite memory of Paul?" His response was, "My favorite memory of your Uncle Paul was how we went fishing together and how he would just walk right into the water to catch a fish." After a minute I heard him sniffle away a tear. I waited a moment and then replied, "Thank you for that piece of Paul."

Then I thought to myself, "Whom should I go ask next?" I still feel like I am missing something. I decided to approach my Aunt Joyce with the question, "What is your favorite memory of Paul?" She replied, "Gosh, I don't know there are just so many." After thinking about it, she responded, "Oh, I know! My favorite memory of your Uncle Paul was the wonderful meals he always cooked when people were visiting. They were always very yummy!" I saw a slight but sad smile on her face so I waited a moment and then said, "Thank you for that piece of Paul."

I had one more Aunt to ask. Her name was Ellen. Again I repeated the question, "What is your favorite memory of Paul?" She thought for a moment and then replied, "My favorite memory of your Uncle Paul was how he let me win when we had bike races." She cleared her throat, so I waited a moment and then replied, "Thank you for that piece of Paul."

"Now comes the hard part," I thought to myself as I walked into the room where my Mom was sitting silently. I knew I just needed to ask so I did and I said, "Mom, what is your favorite memory of Paul?" She looked at me closely and said, "My favorite memory of your Uncle Paul was the way he could draw and paint and that he passed on all of his wonderful talents to you." She swallowed and I saw tears in her eyes, so I waited a moment, hugged her and said, "Thank you Mom for that piece of Paul."

Once I had all of those pieces I realized how much it had helped me. I decided I should share all these memories with someone who needed to feel as good as I did. Since I had written these memories down, I carefully covered my memory book and tied it closed with an old shoe string Uncle Paul had given me when we had played Cat's Cradle together. I said, "Grandma, I want you to have something I made especially for you and for me." As she was reading, I noticed tears, sighs, smiles, laughs and far away looks. When she finished the book she gently put it down, hugged me tight and said, "Thank you for bringing me so much of Paul."